Guest Blogger--M.J. McMullen

Marla and I went to the same high school.  I truthfully don't remember a lot about her back then, but by the magic that is Facebook, we were reunited through our high school's group.  It has been wonderful to get to know Marla as an adult.  She has suggested that Paula would be welcomed at the Utah Pride Center to perform a reading.  I think it sounds a wonderful stop on a book tour.  I do hope to see Marla and her husband Bob someday soon.  Utah is a beautiful state from what I remember of Mt. Zion.
Marla is a published author and has written a series of children's books "Leo & Gracie:  Cat Detectives.  M.J. McMullen's Author's Page

I was touched by this article by Marla and wanted to share it with my friends.  Enjoy!

A Liberal Can Be Narrow Minded As Well

or

A Heterosexual’s Journey through the LGBT  Community

            I’m not a big fan of Facebook.  There are too many narrow minds (both radical and conservative) spewing their vitriolic opinions that rarely have any basis in fact.  However, Facebook has given me an opportunity to reconnect with family and old acquaintances – namely high school classmates one being Pam Trotter Schonauer who inspired this article. 

            Due to my shyness, low self esteem, perpetual immaturity and terrible childhood I have never been good at making friends.  These traits followed me into adulthood and fortunately I’ve been able to deal with most of them and establish some friend type relationships.  Because of those reasons I haven’t seen or even thought about Pam since high school since I made very few friends during that time. 

            When I finally signed up on Facebook a couple of years ago I saw Pam’s name and clicked on her wall to see what was up in her life.  I was surprised to see that Pam is a lesbian and very happily married to her partner Paula.  I am always glad to see people happy and contented in their lives and was impressed with Pam’s courage to come out and be who she really is in this life. 

            This leads me to the topic of this article on why a heterosexual like me has such love and acceptance for the LGBT community.  I suppose it starts with my strict Southern Baptist upbringing in Oklahoma.  My mother always considered me the “difficult child” because I have a mind of my own and never liked going along with social and religious convention.  I always wanted to be something different – African American, Jewish, a hippy - anything besides being a boring little white girl.  I grew up with the racism that turns my stomach to think about it.  I remember people in my church voting against Blacks or Hispanics joining the church.  My mother told me to be “friendly” with African Americans, but not to be friends with them.   I still to this day don’t understand that type of reasoning.

            I graduated from high school and worked for a while at Tinker Air Force Base then realized Oklahoma was not for me and joined the Navy.   After boot camp in Orlando, Florida I went to my “A” school in Millington, Tennessee and met several lesbians for the first time. (OMG -  Gays in the military -  they have been there for centuries !!)   I eventually made friends with a couple of the lesbians and did the rumors start!!   I admit to being naïve and not realizing that one of them was attracted to me.  Once she made her feelings known I told her that I wasn’t gay but I was very willing to be friends which she accepted readily.  We stayed in contact for a few years and I eventually ran into her when I lived in San Diego.   She had found the love of her life and they were “getting married” (it was the 80’s – only ceremonies then and nothing legal) and I was happy for her and her partner. 

           

            This leads to why I have never been bothered being “hit on” by lesbians.  First of all – lesbians can take no for an answer.   Unlike men who can’t stand rejection, lesbians can accept that you aren’t interested and don’t call you a “bitch” or “lesbian” for turning them down J   Secondly – it is a boost to the ego for someone to find me appealing.  As my late friend Michael Ortega used to tell me - everyone is gay they just don’t know it !!   And my answer back was that not everyone is gay but everyone who masturbates does have a same sex partner -   LOL 

            Now it’s time to talk about my dear friend Michael Ortega.   I met Michael around 1989 when my first marriage was breaking up.  He listened to me complain for a couple of months and finally gave me the best advice I’ve ever had.   He told me to quit complaining about my problems and get off my ass and solve them.  I eventually divorced my first husband and Michael was there to get me back on my feet.  

            Michael and I had such fun together.  Shopping at Nordstrom’s, going to the beach to admire the Navy Seals as they ran by, and going to midnight movies.  Michael and I had such fun going to the art house midnight movies.  The theater was next door to a gay bar and Michael and I would go there to wait until the movie started.   I usually embarrassed Michael by hitting on several men - I couldn’t help it because they were so charming, sweet and even sometimes flattered by my attention (and yes I was always politely turned downJ).   That wouldn’t annoy him as much as me calling out to the piano player to “play some show tunes” which the piano player always did!!

            Unfortunately Michael and my good times came to an end.  Michael contracted HIV sometime in the late 80’s and it turned into full blown AIDS by 1991.  He died a couple of months after Freddie Mercury.  As per his wishes he was cremated but there was a lively memorial service held in his honor.  I miss my friend – I miss our discussions about movies, books, current events and the gay community he held so dear.

            Fast forward to 2003 when I moved to Utah. To say Utah is different from California is an understatement.   However Utah is no different from any other state with its very large and very loud gay community lead by the Utah Pride Center.  I worked for two years at the Holladay United Church of Christ which is one of (surprisingly) several churches in the Salt Lake City area that welcome gay worshipers with open arms.  I’ll never forget how good I felt when I attended a service one Sunday and a gay couple was joining the church.  They were able to stand in front of the congregation holding hands, showing affection and joy to each other while becoming members of a loving congregation.   This wonderful scene made me feel better about this state that throws its teenagers onto the streets for being gay.   My husband and I donate to the youth shelter from time to time.  It is a sad place because due to funding it can only be open Monday through Friday from 10 am to 6 pm.  Anyone under the age of 18 is not allowed into a homeless shelter without an adult so these teens – many of whom are gay – have to live on the streets. 

            One of my funniest experiences with the gay community happened at the Marriott Hotel in downtown Salt Lake City.   I worked for the Naval ROTC at the University of Utah and one year my husband and I attended the Navy/Marine Corps Ball.  A lot of planning went into making the ball a lovely event except for one thing - the ROTC students didn’t know what other groups were using the Marriott convention halls that day.  Yes you guessed it - there was a national LGBT medical awareness convention just breaking up as the ball was getting startedJ   There were LGBT of every type including some especially flamboyant drag queens!!  Of course I was thrilled for the chance to talk to a few of them and my husband and I had a wonderful conversation with a doctor who had given a couple of lectures at the convention.   However the Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant stationed at the ROTC unit came up to me complaining that some of the gay men were staring at him.  I replied that of course they were staring at him because he is awfully cute in uniform!! Besides those men are gay not stupid.   They know you can take them down if they mess with you!!  I told him to relax and take it as a complement and go on about his business which after a bit of contemplation he did. 

            Meanwhile let me get back to the title of this article.  Over the years I’ve been chastised for my connections to the LGBT community as well as for being a liberal.  (The political meaning of liberal is - not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry and favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.) Actually I’ve spent my life being criticized, berated or having someone wanting to “improve” me.  I’m not perfect and never will be but I won’t apologize for wanting equality and peace in the world.  Yes I do love Queen, Elton John, Erasure and the Indigo Girls.  I enjoy the movies “Gods and Monsters”, “Velvet Goldmine” and “Brokeback Mountain” and I’ve seen “Rocky Horror Picture Show” hundreds of times.  But my harassment is minor compared to what I’m sure Pam and Paula have endured.   I get very upset at the current “anti-gay” situation going on in the country.  I don’t know when it became a Christian value to discriminate against any of the good Lord’s creations for any reason.  I thought Jesus taught his followers to love, forgive and be tolerant.  I could jump up and down about this but like the title says a liberal can be narrow minded as well and it is something I try hard not to do.   My favorite statement is “I spent 20 years in uniform protecting your rights” and I do mean that whole heartedly although sometimes grudgingly.  So back to Pam and her spouse Paula – much happiness to you both and let’s none of us change.  We’re perfect as we are J