Marla and I went to the same high school. I truthfully don't remember a lot about her back then, but by the magic that is Facebook, we were reunited through our high school's group. It has been wonderful to get to know Marla as an adult. She has suggested that Paula would be welcomed at the
Utah Pride Center to perform a reading. I think it sounds a wonderful stop on a book tour. I do hope to see Marla and her husband Bob someday soon. Utah is a beautiful state from what I remember of Mt. Zion.
Marla is a published author and has written a series of children's books "Leo & Gracie: Cat Detectives.
M.J. McMullen's Author's Page
I was touched by this article by Marla and wanted to share it with my friends. Enjoy!
A Liberal Can Be
Narrow Minded As Well
or
A Heterosexual’s
Journey through the LGBT Community
I’m not a
big fan of Facebook. There are too many
narrow minds (both radical and conservative) spewing their vitriolic opinions
that rarely have any basis in fact.
However, Facebook has given me an opportunity to reconnect with family
and old acquaintances – namely high school classmates one being Pam Trotter
Schonauer who inspired this article.
Due to my
shyness, low self esteem, perpetual immaturity and terrible childhood I have
never been good at making friends. These
traits followed me into adulthood and fortunately I’ve been able to deal with
most of them and establish some friend type relationships. Because of those reasons I haven’t seen or
even thought about Pam since high school since I made very few friends during
that time.
When I
finally signed up on Facebook a couple of years ago I saw Pam’s name and
clicked on her wall to see what was up in her life. I was surprised to see that Pam is a lesbian
and very happily married to her partner Paula.
I am always glad to see people happy and contented in their lives and
was impressed with Pam’s courage to come out and be who she really is in this
life.
This leads
me to the topic of this article on why a heterosexual like me has such love and
acceptance for the LGBT community. I
suppose it starts with my strict Southern Baptist upbringing in Oklahoma. My mother always considered me the “difficult
child” because I have a mind of my own and never liked going along with social
and religious convention. I always
wanted to be something different – African American, Jewish, a hippy - anything
besides being a boring little white girl.
I grew up with the racism that turns my stomach to think about it. I remember people in my church voting against Blacks or Hispanics joining the
church. My mother told me to be
“friendly” with African Americans, but not to be friends with them. I still to this day don’t understand that
type of reasoning.
I graduated
from high school and worked for a while at Tinker Air Force Base then realized Oklahoma was not for me
and joined the Navy. After boot camp in
Orlando, Florida
I went to my “A” school in Millington,
Tennessee and met several
lesbians for the first time. (OMG - Gays
in the military - they have been there
for centuries !!) I eventually made
friends with a couple of the lesbians and did the rumors start!! I admit to being naïve and not realizing
that one of them was attracted to me.
Once she made her feelings known I told her that I wasn’t gay but I was
very willing to be friends which she accepted readily. We stayed in contact for a few years and I
eventually ran into her when I lived in San
Diego. She had
found the love of her life and they were “getting married” (it was the 80’s –
only ceremonies then and nothing legal) and I was happy for her and her
partner.
This leads
to why I have never been bothered being “hit on” by lesbians. First of all – lesbians can take no for an
answer. Unlike men who can’t stand rejection,
lesbians can accept that you aren’t interested and don’t call you a “bitch” or
“lesbian” for turning them down J Secondly –
it is a boost to the ego for someone to find me appealing. As my late friend Michael Ortega used to tell
me - everyone is gay they just don’t know it !! And my answer back was that not everyone is
gay but everyone who masturbates does have a same sex partner - LOL
Now it’s
time to talk about my dear friend Michael Ortega. I met Michael around 1989 when my first
marriage was breaking up. He listened to
me complain for a couple of months and finally gave me the best advice I’ve
ever had. He told me to quit complaining
about my problems and get off my ass and solve them. I eventually divorced my first husband and
Michael was there to get me back on my feet.
Michael and
I had such fun together. Shopping at
Nordstrom’s, going to the beach to admire the Navy Seals as they ran by, and
going to midnight movies. Michael and I
had such fun going to the art house midnight movies. The theater was next door to a gay bar and
Michael and I would go there to wait until the movie started. I usually embarrassed Michael by hitting on
several men - I couldn’t help it because they were so charming, sweet and even
sometimes flattered by my attention (and yes I was always politely turned downJ). That wouldn’t annoy him as much as me
calling out to the piano player to “play some show tunes” which the piano
player always did!!
Unfortunately
Michael and my good times came to an end.
Michael contracted HIV sometime in the late 80’s and it turned into full
blown AIDS by 1991. He died a couple of
months after Freddie Mercury. As per his
wishes he was cremated but there was a lively memorial service held in his
honor. I miss my friend – I miss our
discussions about movies, books, current events and the gay community he held
so dear.
Fast
forward to 2003 when I moved to Utah.
To say Utah is different from California is an
understatement. However Utah is no different from any other state with its very
large and very loud gay community lead by the Utah Pride Center.
I worked for two years at the Holladay United Church of Christ which is
one of (surprisingly) several churches in the Salt Lake City area that welcome gay
worshipers with open arms. I’ll never
forget how good I felt when I attended a service one Sunday and a gay couple
was joining the church. They were able
to stand in front of the congregation holding hands, showing affection and joy
to each other while becoming members of a loving congregation. This wonderful scene made me feel better
about this state that throws its teenagers onto the streets for being gay. My husband and I donate to the youth shelter
from time to time. It is a sad place
because due to funding it can only be open Monday through Friday from 10 am to
6 pm. Anyone under the age of 18 is not
allowed into a homeless shelter without an adult so these teens – many of whom
are gay – have to live on the streets.
One of my
funniest experiences with the gay community happened at the Marriott Hotel in
downtown Salt Lake City. I worked for the Naval ROTC at the University of Utah and one year my husband and I
attended the Navy/Marine Corps Ball. A
lot of planning went into making the ball a lovely event except for one thing -
the ROTC students didn’t know what other groups were using the Marriott
convention halls that day. Yes you
guessed it - there was a national LGBT medical awareness convention just
breaking up as the ball was getting startedJ There were LGBT of every type including some
especially flamboyant drag queens!! Of
course I was thrilled for the chance to talk to a few of them and my husband
and I had a wonderful conversation with a doctor who had given a couple of lectures
at the convention. However the Marine
Corps Gunnery Sergeant stationed at the ROTC unit came up to me complaining
that some of the gay men were staring at him.
I replied that of course they were staring at him because he is awfully
cute in uniform!! Besides those men are gay not stupid. They know you can take them down if they
mess with you!! I told him to relax and
take it as a complement and go on about his business which after a bit of
contemplation he did.
Meanwhile
let me get back to the title of this article.
Over the years I’ve been chastised for my connections to the LGBT
community as well as for being a liberal.
(The political meaning of liberal is - not
limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian
attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry and favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for
progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.)
Actually I’ve spent my life being criticized, berated or having someone wanting
to “improve” me. I’m not perfect and
never will be but I won’t apologize for wanting equality and peace in the
world. Yes I do love Queen, Elton John,
Erasure and the Indigo Girls. I enjoy
the movies “Gods and Monsters”, “Velvet Goldmine” and “Brokeback Mountain”
and I’ve seen “Rocky Horror Picture Show” hundreds of times. But my harassment is minor compared to what
I’m sure Pam and Paula have endured. I get very upset at the current “anti-gay”
situation going on in the country. I
don’t know when it became a Christian value to discriminate against any of the
good Lord’s creations for any reason. I
thought Jesus taught his followers to love, forgive and be tolerant. I could jump up and down about this but like
the title says a liberal can be narrow minded as well and it is something I try
hard not to do. My favorite statement
is “I spent 20 years in uniform protecting your rights” and I do mean that
whole heartedly although sometimes grudgingly.
So back to Pam and her spouse Paula – much happiness to you both and
let’s none of us change. We’re perfect
as we are J
